{"id":2488,"date":"2025-07-16T11:42:17","date_gmt":"2025-07-16T08:42:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gokselaksel.com\/blog\/?p=2488"},"modified":"2026-01-28T20:47:37","modified_gmt":"2026-01-28T17:47:37","slug":"hayir-demeyi-ogrenmek","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gokselaksel.com\/blog\/hayir-demeyi-ogrenmek\/","title":{"rendered":"Hay\u0131r Demeyi \u00d6\u011frenmek"},"content":{"rendered":"

Bitmek Bilmeyen \u201cHay\u0131r De\u201d \u00c7\u0131\u011f\u0131rtkanl\u0131\u011f\u0131na Kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k: S\u0131n\u0131rlar m\u0131, \u0130li\u015fkililik mi?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Hay\u0131r Demeyi \u00d6\u011frenmek: S\u0131n\u0131rlar ve \u00d6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck Aras\u0131nda Bir Yolculuk<\/h3>\n
\n

\u201cKendi s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7izemeyen biri olgunla\u015famaz\u201d der modern psikoloji.
\u00d6te yandan bilmeliyiz ki, ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n ac\u0131s\u0131na e\u011filmekten utanmayan insanlar<\/strong> sayesinde bu d\u00fcnya h\u00e2l\u00e2 d\u00f6n\u00fcyor.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

<\/p>\n

\ud83e\udde0 S\u0131n\u0131rlar Nerede Ba\u015flar, Nerede Biter?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

G\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fcz ki\u015fisel geli\u015fim literat\u00fcr\u00fcnde s\u0131n\u0131r \u00e7izmenin \u00f6nemi s\u0131kl\u0131kla vurgulan\u0131yor. S\u00fcrekli dayat\u0131lan bir bencillik oldu\u011funu g\u00f6zlemliyorum. S\u0131n\u0131r \u00e7izmek, evet, bu hakl\u0131 bir vurgu. Fakat s\u0131n\u0131r \u00e7izmekle bencilli\u011fin toksik d\u00fczeyde dayat\u0131lmas\u0131 aras\u0131ndaki \u00e7izginin fark\u0131nda olmak gerekiyor fikrimce.<\/p>\n

\ud83d\udccc Psikolog Nedra Glover Tawwab<\/strong>, \u201cSet Boundaries, Find Peace\u201d kitab\u0131nda s\u0131n\u0131r \u00e7izmenin ki\u015finin psikolojik b\u00fct\u00fcnl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc korumas\u0131 i\u00e7in zorunlu oldu\u011funu belirtir. \u00d6zellikle s\u00fcrekli ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131n ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131na g\u00f6re ya\u015fayan bireylerde t\u00fckenmi\u015flik, \u00f6fke birikimi ve de\u011fersizlik hissi g\u00f6zlemlenir. Bu tan\u0131mdaki p\u00fcf noktas\u0131 “s\u00fcrekli” ifadesi. \u015eayet kendimizi g\u00f6z ard\u0131 ederek ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131n ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131lamaya, onlar\u0131 tatmin etmeye y\u00f6nelik bir ya\u015fam tarz\u0131 benimsenmi\u015fse, sorun vard\u0131r demektir. Ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131n ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6nemsemek, yard\u0131m etmek, el uzatmak, empati kurmak g\u00fczeldir. S\u00fcreklili\u011fi ve insan\u0131n kendi ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6zetmesi do\u011frultusunda de\u011ferlendirilmelidir.<\/p>\n

\ud83d\udccc Ayn\u0131 \u015fekilde, Dr. Henry Cloud<\/strong> ve Dr. John Townsend<\/strong>\u2019in klasikle\u015fmi\u015f eseri \u201cBoundaries\u201dde, hay\u0131r diyememenin hem ki\u015fisel \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc hem de ili\u015fki kalitesini sabote etti\u011fi ifade edilir.<\/p>\n

Ancak buradaki kritik nokta bence \u015fudur:
S\u0131n\u0131r, duvar de\u011fildir.<\/strong>
S\u0131n\u0131r; i\u00e7inde hem ben<\/em>\u2019i hem de biz<\/em>\u2019i ta\u015f\u0131yan sa\u011fl\u0131kl\u0131 bir ak\u0131\u015f alan\u0131d\u0131r.<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

\ud83d\udcac Hay\u0131r Demek Mi? Yoksa Bazen Kalmak M\u0131?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Pop\u00fcler ki\u015fisel geli\u015fim dili, \u00e7o\u011fu zaman \u015fu \u015fekilde konu\u015fur:
\u201cHay\u0131r de. Vazge\u00e7. Kendini koru. Enerji vampirlerinden uzak dur.\u201d<\/p>\n

Oysa insan sadece kendi alan\u0131nda ya\u015fayan bir varl\u0131k de\u011fildir. \u0130nsan, ili\u015fkisel bir varl\u0131kt\u0131r. <\/strong>Daha \u00f6nceki yaz\u0131lar\u0131mda \u00e7ok\u00e7a vurgulad\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u00fczere, insan kooperatif bir canl\u0131d\u0131r. \u0130nsan dedi\u011fimiz \u015fey, toplumla, aileyle, dostlukla, ba\u011fl\u0131l\u0131kla, empatiyle \u015fekillenir.<\/p>\n

\ud83d\udccc Brene Brown<\/strong>, empati kavram\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131klarken \u015f\u00f6yle der:<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cEmpati, sadece kar\u015f\u0131ndakini anlamak de\u011fil, onunla birlikte orada kalmay\u0131 da se\u00e7mektir.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Bu ba\u011flamda, bazen birinin ihtiyac\u0131na kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k vermek, kendi enerjinden biraz vermek, bir yolculu\u011fa e\u015flik etmek bir \u201cs\u0131n\u0131r ihlali\u201d de\u011fil, bir insanl\u0131k eylemidir<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Birinin yan\u0131nda durmay\u0131 se\u00e7mek, seni zay\u0131f de\u011fil g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc yapar.<\/p>\n

Bunu yaparken zorunlulukla de\u011fil, bilin\u00e7le yap\u0131yorsan ve kendi ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 da g\u00f6zard\u0131 etmiyorsan bence sorun yoktur. S\u00fcrekli hay\u0131r diyen so\u011fuk bir Berlin Duvar\u0131 m\u0131 olmak istersin; esnek, sevgi dolu, empati kurabilen, dengede bir insan m\u0131?<\/p>\n

\ud83d\udd04 Peki Ne Zaman \u201cHay\u0131r\u201d Demeli, Ne Zaman Kalmal\u0131?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

\u0130\u015fte burada NLP, mindfulness ve ili\u015fkisel psikoloji birlikte devreye girer.<\/p>\n

\ud83d\udd38 Kendine \u015fu sorular\u0131 sorabilirsin:<\/p>\n

    \n
  • \n

    Bu evet, beni b\u00fcy\u00fct\u00fcyor mu yoksa k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fclt\u00fcyor mu?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  • \n

    Bu evet, sevgiyle mi geliyor, su\u00e7lulukla m\u0131?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  • \n

    Bu hay\u0131r, beni koruyor mu yoksa ka\u00e7mam\u0131 m\u0131 sa\u011fl\u0131yor?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc bazen hay\u0131r demek ka\u00e7\u0131\u015ft\u0131r<\/strong>, bazen de evet demek sevgidir.<\/strong>
    Ve bu ikisi aras\u0131ndaki fark\u0131 ancak fark\u0131ndal\u0131k<\/em><\/strong> ile ay\u0131rt edebiliriz.<\/p>\n

    \ud83c\udf3f Olgun S\u0131n\u0131rlar: Ne Duvar, Ne Kap\u0131 \u2014 Bir Bah\u00e7e Kap\u0131s\u0131 Gibi<\/strong><\/p>\n

    S\u0131n\u0131r koymak marifettir, tamam, kabul. Ama daha b\u00fcy\u00fck marifet, o s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n ard\u0131nda h\u00e2l\u00e2 insan kalabilmektir. Kimi zaman kendimizden vermek, zaman\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 payla\u015fmak, ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n y\u00fck\u00fcn\u00fc bir s\u00fcre ta\u015f\u0131mak… T\u00fcm bunlar s\u0131n\u0131r ihlali de\u011fil, ortak insanl\u0131k deneyiminin do\u011fal d\u00f6ng\u00fcs\u00fcd\u00fcr.<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n

    S\u0131n\u0131rlar bizi korur.
    Ama insanl\u0131k ba\u011flar\u0131 bizi ya\u015fat\u0131r.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

    Hay\u0131r demeyi \u00f6\u011frenmek \u00f6nemlidir; vicdanla \u201cevet\u201d diyebilmeyi unutmadan. Zihinsel, duygusal ve sosyal s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131m\u0131z; bir \u00e7it de\u011fil, bir denge noktas\u0131d\u0131r. Ne kendinden t\u00fcm\u00fcyle vazge\u00e7, ne de herkesi d\u0131\u015far\u0131da b\u0131rak.
    \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc insan insana laz\u0131md\u0131r. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc bazen \u201ckalmak\u201d, en olgun karard\u0131r.<\/strong><\/p>\n

    NOT: Kendinizi, kendi ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 daha iyi anlayabilmek i\u00e7in birlikte NLP \u00e7al\u0131\u015fabiliriz.<\/p>\n

    Sevgiyle…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Bitmek Bilmeyen \u201cHay\u0131r De\u201d \u00c7\u0131\u011f\u0131rtkanl\u0131\u011f\u0131na Kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k: S\u0131n\u0131rlar m\u0131, \u0130li\u015fkililik mi? Hay\u0131r Demeyi \u00d6\u011frenmek: S\u0131n\u0131rlar ve \u00d6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck Aras\u0131nda Bir Yolculuk \u201cKendi s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7izemeyen biri olgunla\u015famaz\u201d der modern psikoloji.\u00d6te yandan bilmeliyiz ki, ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n ac\u0131s\u0131na e\u011filmekten utanmayan insanlar sayesinde bu d\u00fcnya h\u00e2l\u00e2 d\u00f6n\u00fcyor.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":2490,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[68,69],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2488","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-is-dunyasi","category-kultur-sanat"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gokselaksel.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2488","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gokselaksel.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gokselaksel.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gokselaksel.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gokselaksel.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2488"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/gokselaksel.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2488\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2491,"href":"https:\/\/gokselaksel.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2488\/revisions\/2491"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gokselaksel.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2490"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gokselaksel.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2488"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gokselaksel.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2488"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gokselaksel.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2488"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}